Sunday, December 17, 2017

She's boxed in with Peet!

SG and I have been consumers of Peet's coffee. So I should have guessed, based on SG's hint of a coffee klatsch, that Scary Doll would be boxed in with Peet. However, I fail to see how this counts as a social gathering. It's dark and there's no one to talk to except coffee. Some people enjoy that.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

She's seeking Comfort and Joy!

This Christmas season is all about these soft, squishy Scandinavian gnomes. They are like a hug wrapped in woven  sweaters and fluffy beards. Scary Doll has needs like the rest of us, so she moved in for a cuddle. It didn't take me long to discover her; I went to restart the Messiah CD that plays 24-7 in our house, and spied her in her little coffee klatsch. All she needs to complete her gathering is some actual coffee!

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

She's trying to get in on my action!

SG dropped an ominous hint about Scary Doll wanting to get in on other people's action. Sure enough, SD went missing from her convalescence and I immediately scanned my mind for possible clues to her location. I inventoried all my possible actions:
1. Garlic growing: negative, she is not hiding among this year's harvest nor is she buried in the frozen livestock poo that feeds the 2018 crop.
2. Writing activities: all of this is in cyberspace and there is no way SD could scan and digitize herself into cyberspace ala Tron. We don't have anything other than a 2D scanner. Impossible!
3. Civil War reenactment: she does not reside in my Union trousers, nor in my cap, nor does she live inside the garments of my life size rubber Ulysses S. Grant (I only have him around for reenactment purposes).
4. Neighborhood block synchronized swimming club: no way. The pool is deflated and stored in the attic of house number 51 on our block. Plus my swimming cap is worn and my Speedo got too big from all the running I've been doing.
5. The running! Eureka! I ran into the office to find SD doing a poor job of wearing my hard earned Oniontown 10K medal (with the official onion mascot no less). Only one person in this house, human or freakish doll, has earned the right to don the prestigious Mr. Onion.

Away foul wench with your Rosie Ruizish ways! I am the true champion!

Saturday, December 2, 2017

She's perching!

Since I have been recovering from surgery and getting up from the couch is painful, Jamie made me a nice perch of extra cushions that has served me well.  I guess Scary Doll was jealous of the height (and princess-like status) that this afforded me, for when I left for a moment to get some tea, I returned to discover that she had created a perch of her own, using my friends pillow. She even covered herself with my fluffy comforter! The only thing missing was her own post-surgical abdominal binding, but I suppose we could craft one out of a sock or something. I was so disturbed by her antics that I could not take a photo at the time, so I have recreated her perch on the piano, a much more fitting place than my spot on the couch. She's always trying to get in on other people's action.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

She's a lunchbag stowaway!

Noon at work: a moment of sustenance and solitude, a time to satisfy a late-morning/early afternoon case of the munchies, a moment between a person and their lunch. Well no more... SD, as you can see has ruined everything. All of which she turns to ka-ka in the moment it takes to open the velcro opening to that bag. Now I'm stuck the entire day, in my office, a petrified, ghastly vengeful choir doll standing on my desk, greeting every visitor with her look of frozen terror. I'm staying behind locked doors until quitting time.

Monday, November 27, 2017

She has succumbed to the seasonal marketing ploy of pumpkin spice EVERYTHING!!!

I had just baked a loaf of fresh pumpkin bread and was enjoying a slice on my cozy couch in the den, when I heard a chittering and gnawing sound from the kitchen. My heart froze ... froze like the wax visage of a choir doll stuck for eternity on the vowel O... as I snuck out from behind the door, I saw this haunting and yet somehow beautiful scene. There was Scary Doll, cutting into my bread and chewing away with a look of contentment and holiday bliss. She lurks, yes... but she lurks for the love of pumpkin. The hear knows what it wants, and longs for comfort.  Don't we all?

Saturday, November 25, 2017

She's personally responsible for the disappearance of my rain coat!

About three weeks ago my raincoat went missing. This meant wandering about poorly suited for the gallons of rain dumped on us during fall storms. Rank with mildew and that you-left-your-wet-clothes-sitting-in-the-washing-machine-before-you-decided-to-give-up-and-wear-it-anyway smell, I decided to be miserable. Not only did SG find my raincoat, but caught this petrified wooden demon spawn red handed with my raincoat. Usually Scary Doll makes me chuckle in her mild tormenting, but she's really working hard at pissing me off her first day out of the plastic decoration bin. You're living on borrowed times, Sunshine!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

She's in with the Christmas cards & her lap is filled with love.

Ever since she emerged from her latest g=hiding place, Scary Doll has been hanging out with our accumulating pile of cards.  This reminds us that she is part of the family, and also that we are nowhere near getting our own cards sent out.  I'd better get on that!  Thank you, Scary Doll.  Your flannel-wrapped lap is a place of love... please remember that when choosing your next lurking place.  

Friday, December 9, 2016

She's getting fit!

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In the back of my mind lurked something SG mentioned about Scary Doll wanting to stimulate herself with new activities. Lo and behold I come home to the gentle hum of the treadmill, between the cranking of the wheels and the whoosh of the conveyor belt was the subtle sound of labored breathing. Sure enough, it was SD, barely able to handle a speed setting of 1.0. Good thing I rescued her, as she was poised to lose her already nonexistent footing and propel herself backwards through the thermal-pane window (she doesn't even have wire legs anymore, much less the wooden stand we can no longer find, it's a wonder how she was able to handle such an ordeal). I think it's obvious she's had enough of exercise and needs to take a break, basking in the warm representation of family and togetherness. 

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Sheeeeee's .... a.... hamburger! Hamburger! Hamburger!

Scary Doll loves to play this singing card over & over, just like I did ever since I got this card from San San. I have heard this song 300+ times and I never tire of it!  This card is a double win: it's a song and it's a huge meal! SD needs to move on now, though ... maybe some new activities will help to stimulate her and keep her from entering a food coma after such a giant burger.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

She's a stowaway in my catch-all box!

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Spinner dropped some hints in her previous post that SD loves to immerse herself in piles of "randomly thrown together objects." My first thought wa,s "what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Well, sure enough I got my answer: my catchall box for random objects, bill statements, etc (anything that needs a holding area for filing, putting away, and the like). Come on, we all have catch-alls of some kind! Anyway, it took a few days to find her and all that time in a box has made her rather hungry. Also she claims that it's her birthday. I very much doubt that.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

She's aspiring to become a chew toy!

I approached the dog toy basket as I often do, prepared to switch out Mae's toys to alleviate boredom (hers, not mine). And lo! Scary Doll lurked in the basket, nestled in among Nellifant, 'Ceratops, Skunksy, Eviscerated Lizard, Helen Keller Cow, Tripod Frog, and all of Mae's other faves! That old lady can't seem to help herself ... wherever there's a pile of randomly thrown together objects, she needs to be in it.  Is there no end to her mischief???

Thursday, November 24, 2016

She's bastardizing the dog food basket!

Of course SD would do what Christmas does every year to Thanksgiving Day: preempt it with her diabolical attention-craving presence! This time, she makes herself known during that precious bonding time between owner and dog, that moment of feeding yummy crackers and Pup-Peroni's. Our dog Mae could sense the shiver in my soul, its residue still visible. This is going to be a looooong holiday season!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Baby it's cold outside...

Poor Scary Doll. She was so chilly from her time in the meat locker. Nearby, a cozy fur-clad creature held the promise of warm snuggles. She sidled up to Mr. Nibbles and attempted to gain a few free cuddles. He misunderstood her intentions and she got more --way more -- than she bargained for. Luckily she was quickly rescued by Jamie and spirited away to a safer location.

She's spooning with the 2%!

After many a-travels, SD is still imposing upon her hosts. This time taking up residence in my mom's fridge, not even acknowledging that her left arm fell off. It's funny what low temps can do to her tiny wooden brain.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

She's getting up in Hector's bizness!

Jamie was hinting that Scary Doll is always "getting up in people's business..."  Boy, is she ever!  Poor Hector de Simian has an extra large suppository dose of SD all up in his hoo-hah.  Cecil von Piglet hides his eyes in shame. Poor guys!  How can they have a Merry Christmas now?!?!?

Sunday, December 20, 2015

She's getting chummy with my pajama pants!

There she was, her frightening head sticking out the fly of my pajama pants which I expect to burn in the chiminea shortly after I publish this post. Christmas is fast approaching and we can expect to see more of SD's chronic tendency to stick her head where it doesn’t belong!

Saturday, December 19, 2015

All I want for Christmas is a chance to possess your soul.

Jamie kept dropping hints about Scary Doll returning to her childhood and wondering aloud about the way she "still believes." It didn't take me long to realize that one of our many Santas were somehow involved, and sure enough, I discovered here there, perched upon Drunk Santa's beanbaggish lap, confessing her sins and worming her evil intentions into his jolly underbelly.  Hope he has what it takes to resist while I plot for a new hidey hole.

Friday, December 18, 2015

She's observing public displays of affection!

SG kept dropping what appeared to be hints about Scary Doll evolving beyond her spoon session with Holly Bear. "She wants to observe public displays of affection. She doesn't think it's tacky..." Lo and behold, there she was, with an unwitting couple so entranced with each other that they didn't see the dead-eyed petrified lacquered head and ghostly eyes burning a hole in their very souls. So drowned in each other's embrace that they didn't realize they were sitting on the lap of the beast! Run away lovers! Ruuuuunnnn!

She's spooning with Holly Bear!

Everyone needs a little love sometimes.
Even scary dolls.
Stephen King, too!
Bask in the love, little babes.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

She's noise cancelling!

SG kept dropping no-so-subtle hints about whether I was using my headphones or if I even knew of their location. After an exasperated effort to show her that I was aware of the headphones I came upon such a hideous scene that you see in this pic. How can I wear these now and scrub the image out of my mind? All I can say (or ask) is... wanna buy some phones?

Sunday, December 13, 2015

She's a radiant beacon!

The three wise men should have no trouble spotting
Scary Doll as they make their journey to Bethlehem
(the road to which passes our house, of course).
She glows with the green light of 400 tiny bulbs!

Saturday, December 12, 2015

She's living the life of a warm towel!

Eegad! I was washing up with the eerie feeling that someone was watching. Low (and I mean low) and behold, SD was living the life of Terri cloth by cavorting inside our towel warmer. Are there no limits to how she disrupts the fine moments of life???

She's a basket case!

I was sitting with Spinnerina, lingering over coffee, surrounded by festive lights, wondering where Scary Doll may have crept off. She could be anywhere, I thought! "She likes to hide in plain sight," suggested Spinnerina. A single second passed before the beast appeared. Her astonished expression and beady eyes shoved into the catchall reading basket!

Friday, December 26, 2014

She's got a light bulb up her hoo-ha!

Well, SD let her monarchy atop my Mom's Christmas tree get to her petrified head. She decided to mount herself atop a light bulb in the diningroom chandelier. Talk about being on the hot seat! I think her astonished expression of distress is truly genuine this time. There's a price to glory.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

She's achieved her life goal!

SD has finally achieved her life's ambition to commandeer the position of a Christmas tree star or angel. I'm not sure what she could do to "top" this.  Get it?  Heh heh. Oh God...

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

She's in my mom's couch!

I guess SD decided to make herself comfortable while the rest of us slave away for the Christmas Eve family event. I hope her needs are being met and that she's not feeling too stressed out. We only have to work our fingers to the bone. I hope she's happy and all cozy because we wouldn't wanna stress the widdle scawy dow! Ooooooooh nooooooooo!! Jerkstore... 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

She's a stowaway!

Well, as you may have guessed, Spinning Girl's post clued me into this little stunt by Scary Doll. Sure enough she wedged her freaky self into my suitcase for the holiday travels so she can horrify my family for almost 5 days. I don't know why she's OK with being stuffed in a suitcase and hurled around by baggage handlers who hate their jobs. Let's wish her luck.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

She has free 2-day shipping!

It is rare for day to pass without at least one Amazon box at our door (yeah for Amazon Prime!), so I thought nothing of it when this one appeared.  I was not expecting Scary Doll to be nestled in among all these packaging pillows! She must be practicing different forms of travel because Jamwall is going to be taking a trip soon and if the past is any indication, SD likes to invite herself on vacations. A shipping box is a pretty uncomfortable mode of transport, in my opinion.  Although it was nice for Monkey when he had all the extras along.  All SD has is cardboard walls and some plastic. No wonder she appears aghast!