She's trying to get in on my action!

SG dropped an ominous hint about Scary Doll wanting to get in on other people's action. Sure enough, SD went missing from her convalescence and I immediately scanned my mind for possible clues to her location. I inventoried all my possible actions:
1. Garlic growing: negative, she is not hiding among this year's harvest nor is she buried in the frozen livestock poo that feeds the 2018 crop.
2. Writing activities: all of this is in cyberspace and there is no way SD could scan and digitize herself into cyberspace ala Tron. We don't have anything other than a 2D scanner. Impossible!
3. Civil War reenactment: she does not reside in my Union trousers, nor in my cap, nor does she live inside the garments of my life size rubber Ulysses S. Grant (I only have him around for reenactment purposes).
4. Neighborhood block synchronized swimming club: no way. The pool is deflated and stored in the attic of house number 51 on our block. Plus my swimming cap is worn and my Speedo got too big from all the running I've been doing.
5. The running! Eureka! I ran into the office to find SD doing a poor job of wearing my hard earned Oniontown 10K medal (with the official onion mascot no less). Only one person in this house, human or freakish doll, has earned the right to don the prestigious Mr. Onion.

Away foul wench with your Rosie Ruizish ways! I am the true champion!