She's trying to get in on my action!

SG dropped an ominous hint about Scary Doll wanting to get in on other people's action. Sure enough, SD went missing from her convalescence and I immediately scanned my mind for possible clues to her location. I inventoried all my possible actions:
1. Garlic growing: negative, she is not hiding among this year's harvest nor is she buried in the frozen livestock poo that feeds the 2018 crop.
2. Writing activities: all of this is in cyberspace and there is no way SD could scan and digitize herself into cyberspace ala Tron. We don't have anything other than a 2D scanner. Impossible!
3. Civil War reenactment: she does not reside in my Union trousers, nor in my cap, nor does she live inside the garments of my life size rubber Ulysses S. Grant (I only have him around for reenactment purposes).
4. Neighborhood block synchronized swimming club: no way. The pool is deflated and stored in the attic of house number 51 on our block. Plus my swimming cap is worn and my Speedo got too big from all the running I've been doing.
5. The running! Eureka! I ran into the office to find SD doing a poor job of wearing my hard earned Oniontown 10K medal (with the official onion mascot no less). Only one person in this house, human or freakish doll, has earned the right to don the prestigious Mr. Onion.

Away foul wench with your Rosie Ruizish ways! I am the true champion!

She's bastardizing the dog food basket!

Of course SD would do what Christmas does every year to Thanksgiving Day: preempt it with her diabolical attention-craving presence! This time, she makes herself known during that precious bonding time between owner and dog, that moment of feeding yummy crackers and Pup-Peroni's. Our dog Mae could sense the shiver in my soul, its residue still visible. This is going to be a looooong holiday season!

She's living the life of a warm towel!

Eegad! I was washing up with the eerie feeling that someone was watching. Low (and I mean low) and behold, SD was living the life of Terri cloth by cavorting inside our towel warmer. Are there no limits to how she disrupts the fine moments of life???

She's achieved her life goal!

SD has finally achieved her life's ambition to commandeer the position of a Christmas tree star or angel. I'm not sure what she could do to "top" this.  Get it?  Heh heh. Oh God...

She's a stowaway!

Well, as you may have guessed, Spinning Girl's post clued me into this little stunt by Scary Doll. Sure enough she wedged her freaky self into my suitcase for the holiday travels so she can horrify my family for almost 5 days. I don't know why she's OK with being stuffed in a suitcase and hurled around by baggage handlers who hate their jobs. Let's wish her luck.

She's mailing it in!

 

This morning, I took our dog, Mr. Snoots, out for his morning walk. As we headed back to the house, I could faintly see an object protruding out of our mailbox. I thought to myself "did we forget to bring in the mail last night?" As I drew closer, the color and shape of the object revealed itself. It was Scary Doll! I wasn't actually startled that it was her, but rather that she failed to supply a destination address, a return address and proper postage!!! Eek! I had to explain to her that you don't just sit in the mailbox and wait for something to happen. She just stared at me with that same vacant astonished expression. What a dumbass.

She's getting dressed for work!

There I was, just wandering by in a nude sort of way to pick out Monday's outfit and BAM! Scary Doll in my face.  And she saw my particulars...which may explain the stunned expression. I don't know if I will survive another season of this.  

She's scaring my mom!

Scary Doll took it upon herself to frighten just about every member of my family including my mom. She hid in the fridge almost making contact with the spiral cut ham and the smoked turkey, only to be discovered by my mom.  It's a good thing she has a strong heart! SD showed that she's far from being an adopted Minnesotan by shivering and retreating under the afghan on my mom's chair. What a candy ass.

She's in our holiday box 'o joy!

Scary Doll has hidden herself under the clementines and is spooning with the Rioja in our box of holiday goodies that we packed for today's festivities. Oh the humanity!

She's trying to get nuked!

Liisa and I have this morning ritual where we warm our coffee mugs with water for two minutes in the microwave.  You replace the water with coffee, and you have an extra warm cozy cup of delight. Only my encounter with Scary Doll wasn't so delightful when I discovered her sitting, wire legs crossed, in the microwave. I really don't understand what she was trying to achieve here, but the experience would have left her seared like a charcoal briquette.  Alas, I think she's getting anxious for Christmas festivities. Time to get moving!

She's causing a jam in the Keurig cup caddy!

Weary-eyed, I shuffled to the kitchen to fix a cup of morning Joe, only to notice that the Keurig cup caddy drawer was ajar. I made my selection of coffee and gingerly tried to close the drawer. But the drawer wouldn't budge! I forced and I slammed and huffed and hawed but that drawer wouldn't go. Finally, I pulled out the drawer, reached in with my hand to look for the obstruction, only to catch a feel of Scary Doll's brillo-pad hair. A shudder and a ripple of fear reverberated through my body, for Scary Doll was jammed into this tight area! Coffee will never taste the same again!

She's hiding on top of my armoire!

I was changing when I suddenly had an eerie feeling that someone might be watching.  Eek! It was Scary Doll getting the whole picture!  I may never disrobe ever again.

She's in with the Keurig cups!!!

Scary Doll somehow found herself among the Keurig cups of Starbucks French Roast thereby draining all the joy from the coffee contained in these little pods. Tomorrows coffee will undoubtedly taste like fear. Extra bold fear we hope.

She's in our Brita container!!!!

Imagine my shock and terror! Oh the frozen face of death gaze upon me! In an effort to fill the Brita dispenser with water, I routinely lifted the cover only to gaze upon the terrifying wooden visage of Scary Doll! I'm not sure if she's interested in water filtration systems or interested in the calming effects of cramped spaces and the theories of Temple Grandin. But this genuinely creeped me out. Makes me wonder where her  inquisitive nature will take her next...

She's settling in to watch Breaking Bad!

Scary Doll caught wind that we were binge-watching Breaking Bad. So she lurked into the den and hid between the couch and the end table hoping to catch a couple of episodes. Sadly, she not only choose a bad viewing angle, but she decided to start watching halfway through the final season. I'd hate to use the expression that she's been living under a rock 11 months out of the year, but it's sort of true, even though she's really living in a plastic bin. Sure enough she was completely confused by the show and ventured off to find her next hiding spot.

She's back and she's pissed off.

Scary Doll has a family?!?

Martha sent me this horrid image of (what she believes to be) Scary Doll's cousin, sneaking up on this unsuspecting nutcracker.  Eek!

She's in my shoe!!!

Scary Doll decided that she envies the normal person's ability to wear shoes. This makes particular sense since her wire legs intersect with a wooden block. I personally think this is overkill.

She's replicating!

I sat at my computer desk on & off throughout the day and never noticed that, not two feet from me, Scary Doll was making multiple copies of her hideous visage.  I am shaken to the core.

She's taking a sudzy shower!!

Well, Scary Doll proved to be too bashful for the Y showers and decided to take solace with a clothed shower at home. Only I think she got a few details wrong. Firstly, you're supposed to stand in the tub, not between the curtain and the shower liner. Secondly, it's never a good idea to wear the stinky dusty clothes that you've been wearing for the last 5-30 years (however long Scary Doll's been around). I hope in the future she doesn't replicate her odd behavior.